TO BEARD OR NOT TO BEARD

This week we were told by supposed trend experts that beards are out and all furry hipsters must hastily reach for the nearest Bic razor.

Right... what a load of fuzzy rubbish! I have a beard and have done since pretty much the minute I was able to grow a few strands of bum fluff. I don’t have it because a load of young upstarts around East London have them, I don’t have it because I want to fit in with a sudden influx and I certainly don’t have it because some unpredictable reporter told me it was cool a couple of years ago.

I have one for three reasons; I look about 13 years old without one, I get sore skin if I wet shave and most importantly, just because I bloody want one.

In fact, now that some 'expert' has told us beards are out I’m determined to grow mine to wizardly lengths. Ok, perhaps not as magical as that but I won’t be reaching for the shaving foam any time soon. 

In recent months, I’ve actually started taking this whole beard thing a bit more seriously. Over the summer whilst away from the regimes and expected standards of the working world, I grew mine to an impressive length. So much so that for the first time in my facial-hair-growing-life I invested in some beard products. The main one being beard oil. If you’re going to buck the nationwide beard-trimming extravaganza that is now apparently upon us, aid your beard growth with some of this oil paraphernalia. I use Brisk Bear Oil (available from Boots) and have been pretty pleased with the results. Aside from the pretty packaging, it conditions those dry, wiry bristles bringing them to life and prevents the wildness of a Captain Birdseye beard by importantly taming it. Another must if you’re going to take your beard seriously is to control its growth. There’s no point just letting it sprout from all angles – trim it, especially around the sideburns to make your face look slimmer, and then graduate it into the foremost thickness around your jaw. Never, I repeat NEVER wet shave the lower part of your neck around your Adam’s apple creating a bizarre and overly defined hairy step more apt to a ‘80s music video. 

IMAGE: BOOTS.COM

IMAGE: BOOTS.COM

As an added bonus, in my experience children find facial fuzz hugely amusing. To Edie’s screeching delight, I chase her round the house pestering her for prickly kisses whilst announcing ‘scratchy beard is going to get you’… a 'boss level' I suppose to the game of chase. Apparently young babies like beards too as they detect the distinction of colour on your face; surely reason enough reason to retain the fluff as opposed to the blandness of a slick shaven jaw… 

So lads, get yourself a beard… it will really grow on you.